He had what you might
call a trivial occupation
he cleaned the platforms
of the local railway station
with no romance in his life
sometimes he wished
he had a wife
he read the matrimonial
advertising pages
the cries for help
from different people
different ages
but they had nothing to say
at least not until the day
when something special he read
this is what it said

“If you dream
of the girl for you
then call us and get
two for the price of one
we’re the answer
if you feel blue
so call us and get
two for the price of one”

He called the number
and a voice said “Alice Whiting”
the voice was husky
and it sounded quite exciting
he was amazed at his luck
the purest streak of gold he’d struck
he said, “I read your ad
it sounded rather thrilling
I think a meeting could be
mutually fulfilling
why don’t we meet for a chat
the three of us in my flat
I can’t forget what I read
this is what it said”

“If you dream
of the girl for you
then call us and get
two for the price of one
we’re the answer
if you feel blue
so call us and get
two for the price of one”

She said “I’m sure
we must be perfect
for each other
and if you doubt it
you’ll be certain
when you meet my mother”